A secret

This is our family's "Year of Change". I came home full-time to take care of Christian and to be more available for all of the kids. With four of them diagnosed with asthma, I was home more than I could work anyway!!! The biggest change came this August when Jana left for college. She's not far away, less than 50 miles from the front door-steps! Still I can't understand why everyone says "that's not far". She's still not in her bedroom at night. I don't see her sweet face for days at a time. She might as well be a thousand miles away, because she's sure NOT here! I don't know how to describe how it feels exactly. We went to Disney this summer and by far the favorite ride was Splash Mountain. We rode it over and over. The beginning of the ride is curvy but you go at a leisurely pace. There are a few surprises as you wind around the familiar characters and listen to happy little tunes...for a moment you forget about the big "splash" that's coming. The scenes and the music seem to last forever but before you know it you are slowly ascending the incline and you KNOW that when you get to the top your body will drop but your stomach rise to catch in your throat. That's how it felt letting her go. I remember holding her in the hospital room like it was yesterday. Somehow feeling like I'd always known the shape of her nose, her hairline, her smell. You don't even know that the first time you hold them that you are already letting them go. I barely blinked and then I was sitting at her graduation. But there is a secret at this point in the journey. It's not earth shattering, I've never read about it. No one told me about it. It's just something that was a very sweet surprise. The story of the prodigal son alludes to it even though in this case she's not at all a "prodigal". Luke 15:20b..."but when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him." That's my secret, no one told me that on a regular Tuesday when my daughter calls and says, "Mama, I think I'm going to come home tonight, will you ride to Walmart with me"...that my world would be right. It's an anticipation unlike anything else I've ever experienced! Nothing compares to knowing that for a few hours tonight all that's mine and cherished will be within my reach.